Many high-achieving people don’t set out to disconnect from themselves. It happens slowly — in the name of excellence, responsibility, or survival. Over time, certain traits get praised and reinforced, while others are pushed underground. Emotional expression. Anger. Vulnerability. Desire. Even softness or joy.
These parts aren’t gone — they’re just stored somewhere deeper. Hidden under layers of identity we’ve learned to lead with. And eventually, that creates tension. Not always dramatic. Often quiet. A persistent sense that something is being held back.
In coaching, I often see this when someone reaches a plateau. They’ve evolved consciously, they’ve done the work, but a deeper layer starts to rise — one that can’t be reasoned with or bypassed. It wants to be seen. And that’s where shadow work begins.
Shadow work is the practice of becoming conscious of the parts of ourselves we’ve suppressed, avoided, or learned to perform around. Not because we’re flawed — but because, at some point, those parts didn’t feel safe or acceptable to express.
This isn’t about digging into trauma you’re not ready to process. It’s about becoming honest with yourself, without judgement, about what’s been exiled — and why.
That might include:
Emotions you’ve learned to override (like sadness, frustration, or grief)
Needs you downplay or deny (like rest, intimacy, or recognition)
Parts of your identity you’ve had to hide to succeed (creativity, queerness, sensitivity, playfulness)
Shadow work creates space to reconnect with these parts. Not to act on all of them, but to understand them. To offer compassion. To build enough internal safety that you don’t need to keep performing a version of yourself that’s incomplete.
Many leaders pride themselves on self-awareness. They’ve already done the mindset work. They understand their habits, their tendencies, their triggers. But shadow work isn’t something you can tick off. It doesn’t move in straight lines. And that can be frustrating for people used to clarity and control.
This kind of work isn’t about fixing. It’s about softening. Listening. Slowing down long enough to feel what’s under the surface. That’s hard to do when you’ve built a life that runs on pace and output.
But here’s what I’ve seen time and time again: when someone makes space for the parts they’ve abandoned, their energy changes. Their decisions become clearer. Their relationships shift. Their sense of self becomes less fragile — because they’re no longer holding themselves in pieces.
If you feel something stirring below the surface — a part of you that feels unseen, unheard, or misrepresented — this simple journaling prompt might offer a soft entry point:
1. Name a version of yourself you don’t let people see
It could be a younger part of you, a mood, a side of your personality. Don’t analyse it. Just name it.
2. Ask when you first learned to hide that part
Was it at work? As a child? In a relationship? What did you learn about being that way?
3. Offer a line of compassion
If you were to speak to that part now, what would you say? What does it need to hear from you today?
There’s no need to push further. Just this kind of noticing — done gently, over time — can begin to shift everything.
When parts of us are hidden, we lead from performance. That might still get results — but it’s exhausting. It disconnects us from our intuition. It increases reactivity. It leaves us prone to imposter feelings or unexpected emotional responses.
The more whole you feel, the more grounded your leadership becomes.
Shadow work isn’t about making everything visible all at once. It’s about creating a relationship with your inner world that’s honest enough to hold all of you — not just the polished version.
If you’ve reached a point where more strategies and surface-level shifts aren’t cutting it, I’d love to support you in exploring what’s underneath.
You can book a 1:1 taster session or a discovery call to explore what shadow work might look like in a safe, structured coaching space.
You don’t have to fix everything. You just have to be willing to meet yourself — fully.